where is my happy content baby?!

I have seem to have lost her, and am about to put a missing ad out on the milk carton! I hope it is just a phase! At least she is still sleeping through the night though. Last night she slept from 11pm to 7:30am. She use to be content in her swing for hours throughout the day, but not so much anymore. Today she was in there for about an hour or so and she was just fine as I was cleaning. Then she was fussy but it was time for her to eat. After that though she only sat in her swing and lounger for 20-30 minutes at a time before the fussing started. Tonight (right now), she has been sleeping on and off in her lounger for the past hour with no fussing though! It is hard to always be constantly holding her...thankfully I don't have any other kids to chase around but I do have my dogs, and sanity. This has been going on for a little over a week now. It seems after I switched her to enfamil gentlease the fussiness got so much worse. I don't know if it is just a coincidence or if the formula actually has caused it. A lot of the time it was a full out scream like something was really hurting her, not just a fuss. So, yesterday I decided to switch her to a hypoallergenic formula - similac alimentum, because the screams really bothered me. I also got her the ready to feed stuff because I feel like they (similac) are likely more accurate when it comes to the mixing ratio then I am, there are no bubbles, and it just looks and smells so much better then the powder stuff. If I think about it, I would never drink powder milk because it tastes like shit. Anyway, we started on it yesterday and she loves it, and now she is just fussing, no more screams and tears of what I believe were screams of stomach pain of some kind. The DR said she may have a milk allergy but she has not been tested for it. I noticed tonight the rash on her face and chest have almost completely disappeared too. I just hope she doesn't become constipated again because her poop was finally just getting back to normal on the gentlease...just thick, but nothing close to how bad it was on the gerber goodstart gentle.

Never in my life did I think I would be so obsessed over baby shit! I exam it, google it, worry about it, post about it...living life on the edge these days! Anyway, I only bought 3 bottles of the alimentum, so we'll see how this goes. I am praying to the formula gods that we can find one that works for her!!! Even if it is the one that is $9.17 for a 32oz container of formula *face palm*. She is already a little shit! :) However, if it does work we will definitely be ordering in bulk on Amazon Mom! Well I'll use the $5.00 checks when I get them (yeah, I'll be THAT lady in the line with 2 or 3 separate transactions so I can get $5.00 off each bottle...that damn money tree in my back yard has yet to start budding!

I just feel like formula is kicking my ass! Yes, I should have continued to breast feed...got it. As a single mom it was very hard to manage my schedule, and when I go back to work it is VERY unrealistic for me to think that I could pump at work. I'm pretty sure I could not tell everyone sitting at my bar to hold tight for about 40 minutes while I go milk myself.

I also tried colic calm, which came highly recommended by other mommies who have dealt with fussy babies. I was NOT impressed. She loves the stuff, but I didn't see any difference after giving it to her, and I've tried it several times now. I also hate the fact that it is black, so you have to be very careful when giving it to them, because I've heard it stains. I've been fortunate enough to not get it on anything just yet, and I'm not sure if I will because I honestly do not think it has made any kind of difference. And I'm suppose to go back to work next week and leave her with my mom?? Yeah, I think me going back to work is going to be delayed a couple more weeks until I get this under control.

dating after baby

Dating after baby is definitely A LOT different. Well, it isn't like I have a whole lot of experience doing so, but there is so much more to think about. I have to be a lot more careful about who I choose to surround myself with because of Hayden. In a way I have to think about her more then I do myself. She of course is the first person I think about because if they are not comfortable with being around her, or if I don't see myself comfortable with them being around her then, well, there really is no point on wasting my time with that person. I've only gone out a couple of times with a guy, who I've known and have been friends with for almost 2 years. He is well aware of the whole situation with Hayden, and absolutely adores her. I obviously made a poor decision in the past...not that I would go back and do any of it differently because I got the best thing that has ever happened to me out of it, however, for Hayden's sake I do wish it worked out differently with her "sperm donor". I can't bring myself to say her father, because he isn't, and never will be. There isn't much I can do it about it now, except be smarter in my decisions, and with the people I allow into my life. The one guy who I've been talking to understands where I am coming from when I tell him that it is going to take some time for me to be 100% emotionally available again. It'll happen, it's just going to take a little extra work on my part, and on his as well. And if they're willing to go that extra mile, it just goes to show that they truly do care, and they are a good person. I do notice a difference within myself then how I was in the past, I can tell I have a wall up, and it is not going to be easy to let someone completely in again, but I am confident I'll be able to, with the right person. It isn't necessarily a bad thing, because I feel like I needed that change. However, I have a good feeling with how things are going so far. It really helps that I've known him for a couple of years, and he isn't just some guy I just met. I love when we are spending time together and he'll sit there and hold Hayden, or if she starts fussing he'll get up and go see what is wrong...she obviously doesn't freak him out, and he is completely comfortable around her, which is super important.

It is really nice to feel "normal" again, and not feel like damaged goods, lol. Being pregnant and single the entire time was kind of rough, but I survived, and I know things will work out for me...because I deserve it!

happy 1 month, hayden!

Today Hayden is 1 month!! Arrgghhhh! I cannot believe it has already been a month. It doesn't feel like it has been that long...it has gone by so fast. I love watching her develop her little personality. I love sitting there just talking to her in my stupid high pitched voice, and watching her laugh and smile at me. Once we get her formula, and her possible reflux situation under control, everything will be perfect. I just hate seeing her in what to seems pain. She is a content and happy baby, so if she is screaming I know something is definitely wrong. I have to make her pediatrician appointment, so I plan on asking him what he thinks. From everything I have read it definitely sounds like she has silent reflux.

Anyway, here are some 1 month pictures!

her little faces

I love her cute little faces she always makes. She puts a smile on my face and makes me laugh everyday.

four weeks

Today Hayden is 4 weeks old! She'll be a month old in just 2 days. I cannot believe it has already been a month since I gave birth to the most beautiful girl ever. She has brought such joy, and happiness to my life. I now have a completely different outlook on everything. She is definitely the best thing to ever happen to me, and pretty much happened at the best time in my life when I needed her most. Sure, my situation isn't ideal being single and all, but I am now a true believer that everything happens for a reason. We both have such a great support system from my family, and from all my wonderful friends. It is just crazy to wake up everyday and have her next to me knowing that she will forever be with me, and forever be my daughter. I'll forever have the privilege of watching her grow, and turn into this beautiful girl that I created.

I have definitely gotten lucky. She is such a good baby. I was a little worried at first knowing that I was doing this all on my own if I was going to have sleepless nights, or become overwhelmed since I had no one here by my side. However, she has been the perfect baby since day one. We get up one time at night, and it really isn't even nighttime anymore when we first wake in the morning, it is usually around 5 or 6am already. Then we sleep in until 11, or even sometimes noon. She is just like her momma and loves her sleep! Phew! We get up and then do our own thing. We'll go shopping, out to eat with friends, go to my mom's pool. I am not one to stay cooped up in the house for too long, and I think all the interaction she can get with people and going places is good for a baby.

The only struggle we've have so far is finding a formula that works for her. We started on similac advanced organic, but then I found out that they use sugar in their organic formula, so I ditched that. We then tried about similac soy isomil since I had an entire case of ready to feed 2oz bottles. That made her spit up and gave her bad gas, which then caused her to become fussy at times. I then tried similac sensitive, and it made her spit up as well, almost after every feeding. When I would mix it up it was SO foamy, and had a ton of bubbles. When she would get done eating you couldn't even see through the bottle liner because it was full of bubbles still. I then started to read a lot of good things about gerber goodstart gentle. I went out and bought some, and the spit up stopped. She seemed to be doing good on it but I noticed her poop was starting to become more solid, which is not how a newborn's poop should be. After about 5 days on the formula when she would poop they would be very firm balls of poop. Every time she would poop it seemed like a challenge for her, and sometimes it would make her cry and she doesn't cry. So, now here we are trying out enfamil gentlease. So far, things seem really good, but it was only been 2 days. Keeping my fingers crossed that this is the last formula I have to switch her to.

Things we love -

• Boppy Pillow
• Boppy Newborn Lounger
• Soothie Pacifiers
• Fisher Price Rock and Play Sleeper
• Snugabunny cradle swing
• Playtex Drop-In bottles
• Bambino Land Muslin Swaddling Blankets (SO soft!)
• Carter's burp cloths (much softer then gerber's)

Our new toy - The Infantino deluxe monkey jungle retreat gym. So far she seems to love it!

She is still in NB clothes and diapers. Size 1 diapers are big, but I really don't want to buy another case of NB only to not be able to use them all, so I think after we're done with the case we have now, we'll be moving on to size 1. NB clothing fits her pretty good, but the 0-3 month clothes are HUGE! Some of the newborn sleepers she is getting too long for, so she may have to swim in the 0-3 month sleeps for a little bit.

And now here are some weekly pictures, even though I've taken a picture of her everyday of her life so far, and plan on doing that for a LONG time!!


1 day old


1 week


2 weeks


3 weeks


4 weeks

grocery store trip!

I did it! I faced my fear and made our first trip to the grocery store. I was scared she would have a nervous break down in the middle of shopping or at the check out line. She did wonderful though!! She slept for about the first 20 minutes, and then was awake the rest of the time. She loves to look around and take in everything around her, you can just see the amusement in her eyes. We even had a little bit of fun in the hair care aisle.





And being extra good in the cart!

first doctor's appointment

Today Hayden had her first doctor's appointment! She was SOOOO good! She didn't cry or fuss, and was even complimented by the nurse as to how calm she was, and how good of a baby she was. I was of course a proud momma! Before we left for the DR office though she peed all over the couch! Lol. I turned to wrap the dirty diaper and wipe, and grab a fresh diaper only to look over and see her peeing all over the cushion. Thank you to whomever made removable microfiber couch cushion covers that are washable!

She was 6lbs 10oz when we left the hospital on Saturday down from 7lbs 2oz. The pediatrician said that was a normal weight loss for a newborn, especially one being breastfed. At her doctor appointment she was back up to 7lbs 1oz. She had slight jaundice when she was born, nothing noticeable. I couldn't even see the yellow but apparently they could, but I'm sure they have better lighting in the nursery. The nurse checked her with this light, and said that her jaundice is nothing to worry about and was very little. This was another reason why the peditrician in the hospital suggested I supplement with some formula until I had gotten my milk in. The one thing that did really surprise me was as soon as the nurse saw that she was wearing pampers, she acted like I was using a cardboard box for diapers. She immediately told me to ditch pampers. I was shocked, as I've heard that pampers is much better then huggies. I've been using both, and so far have had a poo leak on each. The nurse said that she sees more diaper rashes from pampers then any other diaper. I'm of course going to use my own judgement on this, as every baby is different. So far she is rash free, and has been doing well in pampers and huggies. Although right now I do like the huggies better because they have the cord cut out which is pretty nice. Anyway, now in order to get in with this pediatrician permenately I have to be approved. I have to call my insurance company and they have to fill out some paperwork, and then it goes through some panel and then they tell me whether or not I'm approved. It seems a little drastic just for a pediatrician, but I really liked him in the hospital, really liked the office, and nurses. So we'll see if my baby is "good enough" to be approved to see this pediatrician, lol.